Last Sunday in Indy!

How do I really feel about leaving Indy?

Maybe my farewell talk will answer that question.  Pardon my brevity as I only had six minutes in the program.

The decision to serve a mission was a relatively easy one for me. My parents both served missions, and for as long I can remember they have spoken of the blessings that have come from serving a mission. I’ve always viewed serving a mission as a viable option. When President Monson announced the age change, I started actually planning on going. I was able, worthy, and willing so I figured that chances were good that I would go at some point. I was also aware that there was a chance that I wouldn’t go, that God would have something different in store for me. I was willing to accept whatever. The real push to go came gradually over the past two/three years or so while I served as a youth leader for our church’s girls camp. Somewhere along the line as I attempted to serve the girls in our stake to the best of my ability I really learned of God’s love for each of us. Certain experiences lent themselves well to expanding my awareness of His awareness of us, of His love for us, and of His wish that all of His children be aware of His love. When thinking of my future, I couldn’t help but feel inclined towards a full-time mission because for me, what better way to share God’s love with as many of His children as possible then to serve them and God as a full-time missionary? The initial decision to serve wasn’t the hard part; the hard part came when it was time to fill out the paperwork and begin the process of leaving.

As I began the process, almost everybody I talked to seemed to tell me that with this decision to serve a mission would come an increased influence from the adversary, from Satan himself. This makes sense, I’m sure we’ve all experienced Satan and his bratty tendencies at certain points, especially when we attempt to take the path God might have intended for us. I thought I was ready to fight him off and stick with my decision. I had thought that Satan’s attacks or attempts at distraction would come as a frontal attack on my morality. I don’t know exactly what I thought, but I had this vague picture of actually knowing where to get illegal drugs for the first time, or perhaps that someone would offer me alcohol which also hasn’t happened before. But it didn’t come like that. It came as unexpected emotional turmoil. Depression, anxiety, stress, sadness, confusion, bitterness, were feelings that came up every time someone mentioned missionary work. This was more than a little confusing, not to mention irritating. We read in the scriptures and seem to hear so often that the right decision is supposed to feel good and the not so right decision is supposed to make you feel not so good. So here I was attempting to make what I thought was the right decision but based off of what I felt it would have been easy to decide that it was wrong. But that idea didn’t feel right either.

For the sake of time, I’m going to condense this story. So, long story short, I had to take a step back, talk to my parents, go through all of my options, the reasons behind all of my options, and then I decided to still accept my mission call. I had hoped that by making the decision to go, by making it official, that it would put an end to the flood of negativity that I was feeling. But it didn’t. The anxiety, the lack of excitement, the stress, it was all still there. One night about two weeks ago, I was lying in bed thinking about all of this. Tossing and turning, wondering why I still felt like this, why was I making this decision, why I was here, what was I doing, why did I have to feel this way? Why? Why? Why?? And then, I came to the duh realization that it didn’t matter what decision I made. I could serve a mission; I could go to college, I could stay and work. Regardless of what path I took, feeling this kind of emotional confusion was a part of life. My anxiety was not connected to my choice to serve a mission; my anxiety was rearing its head in the face of my future. It’s obviously the same for us all. Regardless of where we come from, or where we’re going, or what we believe in. Depression, anxiety, stress, uncertainty, insecurity, failure, it’s all a part of life. It just is. The important question isn’t if or when or why we experience these things; it’s whether or not we want to face life and all of its joys and all of its challenges with or without God. Do you want to face life without His power, without His guidance, His love, without His Son? Without His son who he gave as a Savior for us. I do not have the time nor the words to convey in detail all that Heavenly Father and Jesus have done for us and I’m sure the following speakers will expound on that so let me end with this: Life can be wonderful, breathtakingly so, but it can also be miserably hard. The good news is that you’ve got a God who loves you, who is there for you, who sent His son to die for you. Our all-powerful, all-mighty God has your back. So feel free to move forward with a little more confidence, a little bit more pep in your step, because with God, you can do anything.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

Downtown Indy